I love you Jesus My Lord
I was saved when I was seven years old. I remember that day in Mrs. Hand’s front room better than I can most things at that age. Mainly because it was one of the most important days in my life. I knew I needed Jesus because I was a pretty naughty girl as far as kids go. Really I was. Pretty much all the way through to my freshmen year. My poor parents lived through it.
Emotionally, as far as teenagers go, I was a big mess my freshman year. I was starving myself on a regular basis because I thought I was fat. (Trust me at 5’7″, 125 lbs., I was not fat). I started fights with my mom to take out all the bad stuff at school that was going. I didn’t fit in with anybody and I was desperate to be accepted and loved. Somehow, that day I accepted Jesus had fallen in the background.
I honestly can’t tell you why I started going back to church except I remember church made me feel good again. In January of that year, I made a big decision and got baptized. It was maybe the second most important day of my life. Jesus became my friend, but I really didn’t understand God’s love for me until I was in my thirties.
After my divorce, my subconcious mind kept telling me I wasn’t good enough anymore for God. He would never forgive me for what I had done. I still believed I would go to Heaven, but I knew I would hang my head in shame. It wasn’t God who could’t forgive me though. It was myself.
Then one day, desperate for the love I could never find in a man I ran across a Bible passage. I mean literally, my Bible opened to that passage. The Holy Spirit whispered quietly that night that HE wanted me to understand that the passage was my own if I wanted it. To this day, my Bible says at the top of that passage, “God’s wedding proposal.”
Isaiah 54:4-8 “Fear not; for thou shalt not be ashamed: neither shalt thou be confounded: for thou shalt not be put to shame; for thou shalt forget the shame of thy youth and shalt not remember thy reproach or thy widowhood any more.
For thy Maker is thine husband; The Lord of Hosts is His name: and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel: The God of the whole earth shall He be called.
For the Lord hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth, when thou wast refused, saith thy God.
For a small moment have I forsaken thee: but with great mercies will I gather thee.
In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment; but with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee, saith the Lord thy Redeemer.”
Sometimes, I forget as I walk this lonely earth who my true Husband is. I go seeking love from a mere man rather than going to Jesus and asking for it. I still find this passage amazing as it relates to my life. Father forgive me for forgetting who I am married to!
God loves us so much, He will do things for us that we cannot even comprehend and yet every day we walk away. Let us follow Him and love Him more and more each day rather than getting lost in the world!